While my mother and I waited the porter waiting to take him to recovery told us about her father who had died of pancreatic cancer. I am finding that most people who have faced this disease end up succumbing. The prognosis is not good at all and even though we knew this we always hoped to get a few more months. Her father went quickly and her story reminded us of the eventual outcome, no matter what. Whatever medical intervention that presents itself does not mean it will prolong life and certainly does not mean he will be comfortable.
Never the less we took him home and discussed next steps. Within the week he was back in hospital to have a tube inserted from the outside. Full discussions were held with his pain and symptom management physician, Dr. Ward from Hospice Waterloo Region and our family. Truth be told she gently encouraged us to leave him be but as a family we felt we had to try and alleviate this bile to buy him a few more weeks. These decisions are not easy and are heart wrenching and she fully supported our decision. His stay in the hospital was over several days while they dealt with low blood pressure and too much iron in his blood. After 6 units of platelets he was good to go with the procedure. This was December 18th. After a couple of days of recovery in hospital he was transferred home and was housed in the living room in a hospital bed. He did not leave that bed except for once when we physically lifted him out and placed him gently on an easy chair for a change of pace.
These last few days of his life were stressful and gut wrenching. Pain was ever present but under control with medications and eventually a pain pump. His appetite greatly decreased and fluid intake diminished. He survived Christmas and still was conscious enough to recognize all of us and talk very briefly. We had PSWs through the CCAC come into the house 3 times a day to care for him but my mother was the front line care provider. She was by his side all day and only slept in her bed when she felt he was asleep for the night. We provided her with a baby monitor so she could hear him breathe so hopefully she could rest.
When someone is so sick you would think that they spend most of the day sleeping peacefully but this is not the case. There is much movement and some attempts to get out of bed which would be fatal. Down time for my mother was minimal even with help from CCAC. A nurse was visiting every day and the caring physician would visit when needed. The front door was a revolving door when you add deliveries for medication or equipment. And then there was the phone. It rang all the time and my mother had to ignore it many times. Many of her meals were on the run. We helped where we could with necessary purchases for his care, food and support. But the spouse is always the one to bear the brunt.
My mother had decided after Christmas to look into Lissard House. It was clear to her that Dad would not last much longer and caring for him was taking a toll. The application process began but his condition deteriorated even faster and within days she knew he would not make it to Lissard House. Even so she had decided that moving him was so physically painful for him that transporting him anywhere was out of the question. He was to die at home and this was to be the best option.
The healthcare people through CCAC and Hospice Waterloo Region are wonderful. Without their help Dad would have ended up being in hospital on some acute care floor and this would not have been what we wanted for him in his final days.
New Year's Eve came and went but the inevitable occurred around 9 pm on January 2nd. Even Franca made it from New York having arrived on New Year's Day. He knew she was also there with us even though he could not speak anymore. He did squeeze our hands in recognition. My Dad went peacefully with his family around him.
We will miss him so much but his suffering has ended and he is in a better place. It is hard to believe he is not here anymore.
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